Parent Sleep Deprivation: Solutions for Exhausted Mums

Sleep, Sleep, My Kingdom for Some Sleep!
If Shakespeare's King Richard III had been a mother, he too might have uttered these desperate words.

Among the parents I meet and work with every day, two of the most common concerns are feeding and sleeping. Yet, are we, both as parents and as a society, contributing to the very problems we seek to solve?

The Myth of One-Size-Fits-All Sleep Advice
When searching for guidance on infant sleep, it’s crucial to remember that every baby is unique. There is no universal solution that works for all babies, just as no two families are exactly alike. Prescriptive sleep lists fail to consider the individuality of each child and the diverse environments they grow up in.
I am particularly skeptical of sleep advice that depends on modern paraphernalia, clocks, white noise machines, strict lighting controls, and temperature adjustments, all dictated by rigid schedules. But such rigidity is impractical, especially for families with multiple children of different ages and needs. When their sleep requirements conflict, which child takes priority? Viewing infant sleep through this affluent, Western-centric lens ignores the realities of most mothers and babies worldwide.

The Problem with Imposed Sleep Schedules
Sleep schedules often disregard the biological processes that govern sleep for all humans. They encourage well-meaning parents to ignore their baby’s natural cues, which can disrupt communication and trust between parent and child. Yet, responsive and loving early relationships lay the foundation for lifelong mental health and emotional security. Any schedule that teaches parents to override their baby’s instincts can be problematic.

Babies Don’t Need to Be Taught to Sleep
The good news? Babies don’t need to be taught to sleep. That’s one task you can take off your already exhaustive parenting list. Instead of fixating on excessive daytime sleep, which may interfere with nighttime rest, parents can focus on providing a rich sensory experience full of play, adventure, and bonding.
Baby sleep is highly variable and context-dependent. Rather than something that needs to be "fixed" with rigid routines, sleep should be approached with flexibility, understanding, and responsiveness. Understanding that some babies naturally need more sleep while others require less, ranging from 9 to 18 total hours as newborns, can ease the pressure to enforce rigid nap schedules. As babies grow, their total sleep needs decrease month by month. I think most families would prefer more uninterrupted sleep at night? If we over-prioritize naps, we risk disrupting the natural consolidation of nighttime sleep.

Promoting Easier Nights by Understanding Sleep Biology
To support better sleep, it's essential to understand the biological drivers: sleep pressure and circadian rhythm. These two factors work together to regulate feelings of wakefulness and tiredness. By working with, not against, your baby's biology, you can encourage a smoother sleep experience for both your baby and yourself.

Final Thoughts
Instead of chasing unrealistic sleep ideals, embrace the variability of infant sleep.
Trust your baby’s natural rhythms, foster connection, and let go of rigid schedules. 
Sleep, both for your baby and for you, will come more easily when approached with a balance of biology, intuition, and compassion.
And of course get in touch if you need to discuss sleep for either you or your baby.
Simone from Mamma’s Milk